I am disappointed that I have not kept up with regular posts to this blog. I'll try again.

My "treatment" has proceeded as planned -- every other week administrations of chemo, three different drugs, each of which is given 4 times. The first drug, which cancer patients commonly call "the red devil," was the worst. I had far more nausea and body pain with it than with drug number two, taxol. Normally, I've taken treatments on Mondays. The day following has not been too bad, but then I have 4 to 5 days during which I am very sick and can do very little. I miss 3 or 4 days of work and stay in bed almost the entire time. The every other week schedule means that, by the time I'm feeling fairly well and somewhat approaching normal, it's time to go back for another poisoning. Not fun, but necessary, I have to keep reminding myself. I'm taking the third drug now and have 3 more administrations to go. Then, I'll have 6 weeks of daily radiation therapy (5 days a week).

As this has gone on, I have increasing difficulty with diminishing strength and endurance. I was not in great physical condition when this began, but I was not weak compared to most women my age. Not so now. My ability to do even minor work is practically gone. I have to take frequent breaks. I'm strictly the assistant on any job -- the one who holds the screws and hands them to the one doing the work! I am concerned about how long it will take for me to get back in shape when this is over. I'd rather have my strength and endurance than my hair, so I've asked my body to put  emphasis on building strength, not growing hair!

Some people have kindly told me I'm "brave" as I'm going through this process. I can't comprehend it that way. It is simply necessary to enhance the likelihood that I will not get metastatic cancer later. Comparing my experience to that of others convinces me I've been fortunate. Many people are much sicker. Some are unable to work at all during their chemo. Some of the side-effects are quite nasty -- open, bleeding mouth sores, digestive system "difficulty," and other things I have not experienced. I try to remember to be grateful for all the good days I have during this ordeal.

I have health insurance through my work for the State of Florida, and there has been no difficulty getting the treatments I need. The costs to the insurance company have been astonishing and continue to rise. I try not to think about what happens to people with such a disease who are not insured. You can't get chemotherapy at the ER. Would an uninsured person be able to find anyone to treat them? The costs of the drugs alone is daunting. I get an injection 24 hours after each treatment which boosts production of white blood cells, which are wiped out by the chemotherapy drugs. The insurance is billed over $5000 for each of those injections. (Without the insurance contract discount, the cost would be even higher.) Because of the injections, my white blood cell count has remained relatively high. I haven't caught any diseases so it seems to have worked. Imagine the costs of just that drug. Twelve injections at even $5000 each is $60,000. Can an uninsured person pay for that drug? If, and that is a big IF, an uninsured person could get chemotherapy, would they also be able to get these injections? If not, they would major problems with immunity. Infectious disease would be a strong likelihood. ER visits and hospitalizations would surely follow and could be even more expensive, not to mention potentially life-threatening. It is so very fortunate for me that I did not decide to go into private practice, but have staying with my job as an assistant public defender, paid by the State of Florida and a part state's group insurance. I am lucky again.