HAIR!
After months of losing hair, where I wasn't already hairless, I suddenly realize that I'm growing hair. It was first noticable around the first of June. Fine, pale baby hair at first, but a definate promise that baldness would not be permanent. Another week or two passed and, with my arm in the afternoon sunlight, I saw millimeter long hair everywhere.
I suppose everyone is thrilled when they see the first signs of hair re-growth. Female and child baldness is the signature of cancer. Banish bald! Grow hair and look healthy. Will I want my new hair kept short or will I let it grow and grow? Will it be exactly like before, as my oncologists says, or will it be quite different, as the chemo nurses have reported?
This Tuesday is my LAST SCHEDULED CHEMO, a day I've long happily anticipated, of course. This third of three chemo drugs has not been nearly as diffcult as the earlier ones but even it makes me sick for a day or two and fatigued for days afterward. Not sure how I'll react to the radiation therapy which comes next, but I am ready to get past this phase.
Reaching this milestone has me thinking about what it will be like to complete the chemo and radiation. Will I feel like I'm living my normal life again? Will I have a nagging, dark worry always with me? Will the worry hit only now and then in dark moods? Or will it hit any time I have an illness or an unfamiliar pain?
Will it be possible to forget about it? The fact I'll have another daily pill will be a constant reminder, I suppose. My goal will be to forget about it. I'll concentrate on building back my strength and endurance, eating a better-than-ever healthy diet, winning those treasured not guilty verdicts and remembering to treasure the life I have and the people I love.
